Spirit Lead Me

We sang this song in church yesterday. I looked over + saw tears streaming down my husband's face. I haven't seen my husband cry in church since last Christmas Eve service when we were missing Reagan at what would have been her 1st Christmas.

I heard him humming this song again last night + he opened up about why it made him emotional. He talked about how this song was one of the first songs we sang when we came back to church after losing Reagan. This verse, specifically, reminded him about that time when God lead him to a place where he had no choice but to fully trust in Him - a place deeper than he could have imagined.

He felt helpless watching me carry our dying baby for 25 weeks + deliver her still-born body in that hospital while all he could do was stand by my side, hold my hand + pray. For the first time in our marriage, this was a problem he couldn't attempt to fix. He had to fully put his trust in God - no borders - no if's and's or but's - no questions asked - just blind trust.

He talked about singing this song now + thinking about the past year and a half -losing both Reagan + Hannah and currently pregnant with our 4th baby girl - as the song says, his faith has been made stronger in the presence of his Savior.

We both agreed that although we'd give anything to have our girls here with us, by losing them we were pushed to a place we'd never been before. A place where we now know we can survive not because we are strong, but because our faith has been made stronger than it was before and we know He will lead us just as He did before.

If you're in a place right now where you're feeling stuck, helpless or afraid + getting out of bed this morning seems impossible, I encourage you to reach out + grab a hold of God. Know that He might not change your situation + you may still have to go through this hard time, but rest in knowing that you are not alone + ask Him what you are to learn from this?

If it doesn't challenge us it doesn't change us. The difficulties in our lives are opportunities for our faith to grow IF we depend on Jesus. Try to trust whatever He has in store for you + have faith that it is for your good + His glory.

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