Trusting God

THIS is what makes me the saddest during our whole process. The Dr.'s that continued to tell us to terminate our pregnancy early on when we first found out there was something wrong with our baby. The Dr. that told us how we can get testing to find out exactly what was wrong so we could use those results to justify aborting our baby. The Dr. who continued to tell us week after week that our baby is going to die and to just let him know when we don't want to continue any further. The Dr. who I have had to tell repeatedly that as long as our baby's heart is still beating we aren't giving up. The Dr. who told us he was shocked that our baby was still alive at 20 weeks and that he didn't have experience with babies making it this far bc most people terminate their pregnancies early on once they find out their baby is sick and that he doesn't normally get the opportunity to see them alive this far along. The number of false positives these tests can provide resulting in perfectly healthy babies being aborted because their parents are being told their baby isn't going to make it. THIS is what is so sad to me. 

Carrying my baby, feeling her move, seeing her very sick body on an ultrasound every single week has been my worst nightmare, but never has it once crossed our minds to intervene with God's plan. To take away the opportunity for Him to perform a miracle. It isn't easy hearing your child has a zero percent chance of survival, it isn't easy going in public and having strangers congratulate you on your pregnancy and ask when your baby is due, it isn't easy seeing horrific images of your baby's body filled with fluid on an ultrasound every single week, it isn't easy being told you will have to be induced to deliver your still-born baby once her heart stops beating and it sure isn't easy to have conversations with your husband about which cemetery you are going to bury your baby. But we are going through the pain to give our child a chance. To give God a chance to work out His plan the way He chooses. 

It's not the Dr.'s job to make the decision if your child should live or die and it's also not ours as parents. It's God's decision and although I've never been more sad in my life at the thought of possibly losing our baby, it makes me even more sad that there are Dr.'s and parents all over the world who don't trust God enough to carry them through the pain, the hard times and the unthinkable. Those are the people I am most sad for. Those are the people that I pray for.

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